Don't Close Your Eyes
by Dragonflysoul
Summary: Jack will never forgive himself for killing his best friend. COMPLETE


Title: Don't Close Your Eyes

Author: dragonfly

Genre: gen, h/c, drama, angst

Summary: Jack would never forgive himself for killing his best friend.

A/N: My take on Daniel's appendix erupting. Shameless Jack angst and Daniel whumpage. Really, that's about it. Honkin huge thanks to Jo for cowgirling me up and the ListSibs at AO. It's amazing what a little snippet can turn into with a little positive feedback. Hugs and cookies to Heidi—a dear friend and the best beta a gal could ask for. Any mistakes left are mine.

Words: 9,000+ COMPLETE

Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing with them.

Warnings: None

~*~SG1~*~

_**/ Thick, warm blood spilled over his hands as he plunged the knife into his friend's body. Once trustful eyes exploded with shock and pain as Daniel gasped and struggled under Jack's hold. But Jack was determined now to finish what he had started. It was the only way. It was for the better. It was the only way to put an end to his best friend's pain. He understood this now. He only wished he had had the courage to do it sooner.**_

"_**Easy, buddy,' he cajoled, firmly holding the knife in place as Daniel's struggles weakened. "Don't fight it. It'll be over soon."**_

_**Daniel choked and fought for breath, shaking and desperately holding onto Jack—even as he tried to push him away. And as the world slowed around them, careful not to miss his last breath—huge blue orbs locked on the older man's and silently begged him. **_

_**And they continued to beg him until at last a tear slowly broke free, carrying a pain too great to put into words, and Daniel whispered the only thing he could think of before nothingness claimed him.**_

"_**Why…?" / **_

~*~SG1~*~

"_What difference does it make? I mean __**really**__?" Jack drawled._

_Daniel blinked hard and brought himself back to the present, trying to dislodge the lingering feeling that something was very, __**very**__ wrong. "What?" he breathed, his eyes fixed on the horizon as he struggled to calm his heart. _

_Jack turned to his friend. He had also been watching the spectacular view PS4-998 had provided them as they waited for Carter to finish her mineral survey, but now he looked at Daniel with a mixture of annoyance and concern. "Are you with me?"_

~*~SG1~*~

"I'm here," the archaeologist sobbed.

"Sshh," Jack shakily combed his fingers through Daniel's short, soaked strands, fighting down the urge to cry himself. Too much time had passed. And now little remained before Jack would be forced to…

Carefully pulling the younger man into his lap, Jack grimaced when Daniel whimpered and weakly clutched at his jacket. "Ssh sorry, buddy, but last I checked you didn't have gills," he stated almost mournfully.

"I'm h-here," Daniel cried with a heart wrenching mixture of determination and desperation, holding onto Jack with what little strength he had left.

Hugging the man close, his cheek pressed against the fevered brow, Jack closed his eyes for as long as he dared and prayed for a miracle that would never come. And as his body absorbed the endless tremors that wracked Daniel's frame, he found himself swallowing back a sob of his own and croaking, "Me too."

At least his friend would not have to die alone.

~*~SG1~*~

"_I know," Daniel whispered hoarsely._

_Jack cocked his head to the side. "What was that?"_

_Clearing his throat, the archaeologist straightened and turned to the older man, finally coming out of his daze. "I said, I know. I agree."_

_Jack didn't hide his surprise as he sauntered closer, leisurely resting his arms on his weapon. "You do?"_

_Daniel ducked his head and smiled shyly, but when he looked back up with words on his lips the smile quickly faded as he reached for his gun. "Jack!"_

~*~SG1~*~

_They're coming..._

"Everywh're," Daniel panted, writhing in pain in Jack's embrace. "The'r ev'ry…"

"Sshh…" Jack was screaming inside. He was screaming and on his knees begging for mercy. For Daniel. For himself. But he couldn't, _wouldn't_ fold into his own despair, because then _Daniel_ would have nothing to fold into.

"It's alright." Jack's voice wavered through the lie he used to try and convince himself as Daniel curled around his own pain and further into Jack. "It's alright now," he whispered hoarsely past the deafening cries within.

_They're coming…_

~*~SG1~*~

"_Get to the gate!"_

_Heart pumping, muscles straining, Jack covered his teammates as they ran for home. "Uninhabited planet, my ass!" he cursed, firing off a round from his P-90. The Jaffa that __**weren't**__ supposed to be there were moving in fast and Jack had a feeling…_

"_Sir! We're cut off!" _

'_Damnit!'__Before he could redirect his team, however, they were all thrown violently to the forest's floor with a collective, 'oomph!' as the world eerily slowed and fell silent at arguably the same exact time it sped up and roared._

_Instinctively curling into a ball and covering his head, Daniel looked up just in time to see a tree falling in the direction where…_

"_Sam!" _

~*~SG1~*~

"Ssshh…she's safe, Daniel. You saved her, remember?" Jack blindly, methodically ran a thumb lightly across his friend's cheek, trying to soothe him as Daniel lay restless in his arms. He knew it was futile. He would never hold Daniel whole again. Still, his thumb continued to stroke to the rhythm of his prayers.

"S-safe?" Daniel stuttered into his chest.

Though Jack never before saw himself as a religious man, he also never before saw his arms as a place someone would be taking their last breath in either. …especially not someone he cared so much about.

Praying seemed like the right thing to do. It was the _only_ thing left to do. He already damned the universe and everyone in it to no avail anyway.

"Sa-s'fe?" Daniel puffed hot breath into his neck this time, pleading for an answer his mind had forgotten it already knew.

"Yeah." Jack's heart was raw with inevitability, and his words strained against the helplessness consuming him. "She's safe."

But he knew she would never make it back in time…no matter how hard he prayed.

~*~SG1~*~

_Staggering to his feet, the archaeologist ran, knowing he would never make it in time. "Watch out!"_

_Tackling Sam out of the tree's intended path not a moment too soon, Daniel threw himself over her and covered his head. His flesh stung with anticipation from a blow that never met his skin. Still, he flinched and curled further into Sam and the ground when the old giant impacted the earth merely inches away._

_Immediately Daniel was struggling back to his feet, his entire body shaking from reasons that had nothing to do with the land. "Sam?" he called breathlessly as anxious hands started to pull and tug at them both. He was vaguely aware of someone cursing and briskly patting him down, but his ears were ringing and __**everything**__ was moving and it was taking all he had just to stay on his feet and not hurl._

_Coughing on dirt and debris that the tree had kicked up, "I'm okay," Sam took Teal'c's seeking hand and let him pull her to her feet. Then all four were on the move. There was no time for small talk or to even question what was happening. There was only time to run. _

_And as Jack wrapped a steadying arm around Daniel's waist and pulled him up when he stumbled, that's exactly what they did. _

~*~SG1~*~

"Ruuun! W-we-have…they're _falling_!" Daniel cried, struggling now againsttired arms. Struggling against his own pain. Struggling against the man that had no means of making it go away.

Jack's own arms were trembling from holding onto him so tightly. So desperate to hold onto more than just a body. And while the rest of him literally ached to rock his friend… the mere thought sent his stomach rolling.

He had already tried that once.

The one way he knew how to comfort. The one thing he knew that worked… he could, _would_ never try again.

The echoes of Daniel's pitiful pleas begging him to stop still haunted the inner most part of Jack's soul.

He didn't know what to do. They had no morphine left. No water. Nothing. God help him. He didn't know what to do...

_Where the hell are they?_

"Daniel, the earthquakes stopped," he wearily tried again, his haggard hope and sanity hanging by a splintered thread—both of which he was so close to losing. _Too_ close…and he knew it.

So, despite the fact that moments of clarity were few and far between for his friend, Jack would continue to whisper words of comfort anyway. "The trees aren't falling anymore, buddy."

…perhaps because sometimes useless words were better than surrendering to that which hid, lurking just on the cusp of silence—ready to pounce as soon as you closed your eyes and let out that long held breath…

"The trees! J…Jaffa!" Daniel had been crying out for so long now, his voice was becoming hoarse as his energy too began to fail him and he started to ease back into Jack's haunted embrace.

"Right, Daniel, but they can't hurt us anymore. You saved us, remember?" Jack smoothed back sweaty bangs as trembling hands grabbed at his shirt.

"S…saved you?"

Looking away from an image he couldn't even see, Jack fought against a wave of frustrated tears as his heart constricted painfully within his chest.

Daniel's voice sounded so very small.

So childlike.

And _full_ of something Jack found himself struggling just to hold onto lately.

Hope.

"Yeah, buddy," he finally strained hoarsely, looking back to the weight in his arms, shakingly resuming a soothing rhythm with his fingers. "You saved us."

_And all I can do for you is watch you die._

~*~SG1~*~

"_You should see this, sir."_

_Teal'c stepped out from under their cover. He could feel as much, but he wanted to __**see **__it as well. "I believe MajorCarter is correct, O'Neill." he stated. "The forest seems to have at last quieted." Which meant the trees were no longer acting like dominos on a vibrating bed._

_Jack abandoned his own hunched-over position—knowing Daniel would be following stiffly after him, and awkwardly came to the opening of the cave. Not their first choice for seeking shelter during an earthquake—their __**only**__ choice. And Jack was none-to-happy either about what they had found in there—on their so called, "uninhabited planet."_

"_Alright, kids," he cut to the chase, trying to ignore the fact that his insides felt like they had been turned into Jell-O and were currently trying to master the art of dance. That was one __**long**__ ass quake. "Do you think that was enough to scare our friends back to…wherever the hell they came from?" he asked, scrutinizing the demolished wooded area before them. Trees still stood, but just as many no longer did…and they were going to have to climb over them all. _

"_How long do you think that lasted, by the way?" Jack added adjusting his pack, both fascinated and mortified by the damage the earthquake had left behind._

"_Sixteen minutes, sir. I've never heard of anything like it," Carter supplied._

_**Of course she timed it,**__ Jack thought, amused._

"_And as for the Jaffa, sir…I couldn't say. They stopped pursuing us when the quake started. Maybe with the trees falling the way they were, it was enough to get them to go back through the gate," she said hopefully._

_Daniel burst her bubble. "Ooor, they just ran to the clearing the gate happens to be in to wait it out. I mean, despite the fact that before __**now**__ we haven't seen any evidence whatsoever of their presence—what we __**have**__ found in there alone," he gestured towards the cave, "indicates that this wasn't just some random planet they happened upon." _

_Nodding thoughtfully, Sam turned back to her C.O. "I guess there's really only one way to find out, sir," she admitted grimly._

_Jack didn't look pleased about the prospect. "Right." Puffing up his cheeks, he slowly let the air slip out between his lips as he studied Daniel, then the obstacle course before them, then glanced back towards the cave. "Where do you think…?"_

_Sam was already shaking her head. "Even if we knew where they led, sir, I saw no control panel in there."_

"_Yeah, that was kinda…weird," Daniel noted quietly._

"_It is unusual, but not unheard of," Teal'c supplied. "However," he continued quickly, before they fell deeper into discussion about it, "should we not attempt to get back to the Stargate before the aftershocks begin?"_

_Jack raised his eyebrows incredulously. "There will be __**aftershocks**__?"_

_Carter raised her own eyebrows in consideration even as she nodded. "Teal'c has a point."_

_Jack rolled his eyes. Teal'c and his TLC. He wondered what, "The Learning Channel" would have to say about __**sixteen**__ minute earthquakes._

"_I wasn't even thinking about it, sir, but it's definitely a safe assumption. Unless the seismic activity we experienced wasn't a natural occurrence, which, I suppose, __**is**__ possible considering how long it lasted, but..."_

_Jack waved off her spiel. He got the idea. And he knew she was right. He just hated being stuck between a rock and… something equally as hard. "Alright, let's get moving then." He grudgingly guided their youngest member by the arm and took point. "We need to get Daniel to Doc Frasier."_

_Three heads popped up and they all stopped in their tracks. _

"_What? Why?" the archaeologist stammered. "I'm fine."_

"_You're not fine, Daniel," Jack replied matter-of-factly, taking the opportunity to check his ammunition. "You're sick." __**You'd think the boy would know by now that he can't hide these things from me.**_

_Daniel just stood with his mouth agape and Sam stepped closer, studying him. She imagined they were all feeling a bit queasy and unsteady from the duration and intensity of the quake but…"You do look a bit pale, Daniel. Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Her eyes widened. "Did you get hurt when…?"_

"_No." Daniel wiggled, uncomfortable under their scrutiny. "I'm fine," he reiterated, __**hoping**__ they'd believe his lie, but knowing they wouldn't now that Jack had released the hounds on him._

_Daniel blushed and looked up when Teal'c unexpectedly reached out and placed the back of his hand against his forehead. "You are, in fact, __**not**__ well, DanielJackson. You are with fever."_

~*~SG1~*~

"Wha' diff'rence does it m'ke?"

Creasing his brow, Jack gently adjusted the limp man in his arms. "What?" he prodded softly.

What _would_ have been Daniel's reply came out instead as a gasp and strangled whimper when another stab of pain suddenly tore through him. Shaking, he curled as far into Jack as he possibly could and bit his lips.

"Damnit," Jack sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do but hold him through it—just like he had done every time before—knowing that soon, not even that would be enough.

Still encompassing Daniel in both of his arms, he held on wishing, not for the first time, that he could absorb the pain and take it away. He held on, praying for an end. He held on, praying for more time. He held on, murmuring softly to him until the fire within finally began to die down again leaving the younger man trembling and panting in its wake.

Gently stroking the short brown hair with an ache all his own, Jack blinked back the sting in his eyes and forced down the urge to scream out at the top of his lungs; to scream until his throat hurt as badly as that which continued to pump so helplessly in his chest.

Nobody deserved this. Nobody deserved to die like this—least of all Daniel. It was hard to believe that after all they've been through, _this_ was how they would be going quietly into that good night. Because if help didn't come in time to save Daniel…there would be nothing left of Jack worth saving.

Daniel moaned and Jack wasn't surprised to feel him go limp in his embrace. The pain wasn't gone...it would never be until… But at least for now it wasn't trying to tear him in half.

"You still with me?" Jack asked softly, peering down into the dark and holding his breath as he waited for an answer that came too many moments later.

"I'm here."

It was weak, but it kept the tethered strings in place…if only for a little while longer. "Good," Jack replied thickly, overwhelmed by a rush of relief and pride. "Good."

_**You just keep holding on. They're coming. They're coming…**_

~*~SG1~*~

"_No," Jack whispered sternly, but looked away from Daniel so he wouldn't see the hesitation in his eyes. _

"_Jack, I'm the fastest dialer," Daniel tried to rationalize as the four of them remained huddled together just at the edge of the tree line. He hoped it was working. He didn't have the strength to put up much more of a fight. The trek back to the gate had worn him desperately thin and he didn't want his friends to worry about him more than they already were, __**or**__ let them see that __**he**__ was starting to worry himself. Something was wrong—he had been feeling it for a while now, niggling away at him and it was getting worse. He wasn't __**just**__ sick. And he knew Jack knew it too. He __**always **__knew…sometimes before Daniel even did._

_Still, they were almost home-free. He could make it. He __**would**__ make it. And __**then**__ he would redecorate the gateroom with the contents currently occupying his stomach—an urge he had been holding back on since the moment the quake had started. And a battle he had nearly lost as they waited out the duration of it in the cave. "We've done it hundreds of times," he found himself adding, trying not to sound desperate as Jack took too long to decide._

_Jack didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit. He could tell Daniel was getting worse, and though the archaeologist would never admit it, Jack saw the pain in his eyes. Whatever it was that ailed the younger man, it wasn't good._

_**Damnit.**_

_Still, they unfortunately didn't have the time to theorize on what it could be. They had to make a move. They had to get home so Daniel could get the care he needed…and then a swift kick in the ass. Because as soon as they __**did**__ get back, Jack was so going to have a __**long**__ talk with him about divulging __**everything**__—no matter how insignificant it may seem during pre-mission exams…and he bet he wasn't going to be the only one._

"_Jack?" _

_Wiping a frustrated hand down his face, the colonel sighed. "Alright, fine. But if I tell you to get down—you. get. __**down**__." Daniel would have to leave the cover of the woods to get home anyway. Besides, it wasn't like __**he**__ was drawing their fire. All Daniel had to do was dial home. __**They**__ were covering him. Piece of cake, right? They'd done it hundreds of times, right?_

_Daniel bobbed his head, visibly relieved he'd been given the go and already started to move into position when Jack grabbed his arm. "Daniel," he hesitated, searching the younger man's face._

"_I can do this, Jack," the archaeologist met him squarely in the eyes._

_The colonel studied him a moment longer, weighing their options again before lowering his arm. "Okay," he whispered hoarsely. He didn't know what scared him more; the fact that he was sending a civilian out in a possibly hostile situation when he wasn't in peak condition, or the fact that…he believed him and knew that he could do it. _

_Daniel had come so far since first joining SG-1. He used to depend on Jack. Now…now Jack found __**himself**__ depending on __**Daniel**__ just as much to get them out of binds. Not that he would ever admit that. Not that he would ever admit just how much he had grown to care for the little pain in the ass either._

~*~SG1~*~

"Sh….should have l-lef' me," Daniel stuttered into Jack's chest, the quakes in his own body beginning to fade as it failed him.

Daniel could be pretty dumb for someone so damn brilliant. Delirium notwithstanding.

"And what? Miss this?" Jack responded flatly, knowing his friend would have been smiling if he had had the strength. "I'll have you know, young sir," Jack started in a poor English accent, gulping up the chance for a moment of levity like a fish that had been out of water for far too long, "that this Cave is one of the finest in its chain. Four stars, no doubt." Pausing and puffing up his cheeks as he reconsidered their surroundings, the colonel continued with a little less accent and a lot less enthusiasm. "Yup, you got the uncomfortable and _barely_ manageable thick, stale air. The water pooling on the floor—a nice pre-set thirty-eight degrees…and a rock slide for that added security everybody craves."

Jack picked up his flashlight and turned it on briefly, shining it on their would-be exit. "Yup, _everybody_ craves," he muttered sarcastically.

Oblivious, once again lost in the fragments of his mind, Daniel wiggled against him, trying to find a more comfortable position and crying out from his efforts. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to simply be.

Jack sighed sadly, the brief moment of lightheartedness pierced with their dark reality.

"Easy," he murmured, lightly caressing Daniel's temple with his thumb—a reaction to Daniel's pain that had become automatic. As he stroked the same stubborn tuft of spiky hair over and over again Jack tried, unsuccessfully, to ignore the slight tremors in his own hands. They shook, not from the cold creeping into his body, but from the _heat_ radiating off of Daniel's.

He had kept trying to tell himself that they were coming. That at any minute, he'd see Carter and Teal'c's beautiful faces digging them out. But the truth was…was that it had been _three_ days. Three days and not a peep from anyone. Jack had tried to dig them out himself, but had only succeeded in making the situation worse. He had even searched and _searched_ for _anything_ that would even remotely resemble a control panel. Nothing. He had come up empty.

And then came the water.

It had started out slow, but then it started coming in faster than Jack could move Daniel to higher ground without getting soaked first. The water was beyond freezing and Daniel had been beside himself as his fevered body panicked at the shock to its system and weakly struggled against the hands trying to help him. And though the cold water had worked in bringing his temperature down briefly…the shock had also nearly killed him.

And now…now the water only served to taunt their thirst as it nipped closer and closer at their heels. Though no longer rushing in, Jack could still easily mark its continued rise.

Still…it was not the water he feared.

At least they had air coming in from…somewhere. That was something, he guessed. Though to be honest, at this point…it wasn't so much of a concern either. Because he wasn't so sure it mattered any longer.

Despite the blanket of desolation he found himself wrapped in, despite how bone-tired he was—Jack wouldn't close his eyes. Not even just to rest. He knew what lay lurking in the dark…in the silence. No, he wouldn't close his eyes. He would continue to fight. He would hold on…for as long as Daniel could.

With the reason for every last one of his grey hairs finally settled for the moment, feeling alone in the middle of the large cavern, Jack wearily rested his head on top of his archaeologists.

"Room service sucks, though."

~*~SG1~*~

_**Son of a bitch!**_

"_Daniel!"_

_They were almost home. They had met no resistance. Carter and Teal'c were __**just**__ stepping backwards through the gate and Daniel was three, __**three**__ steps away himself when it happened. _

_Jack had seen the alarm and panic in Teal'c's eyes. He saw, as he frantically tried to make a grab for the younger man. He saw, as Teal'c was pulled in the rest of the way by the event horizon instead._

_Jaffa._

_Then not a millisecond later, Jack watched Daniel hit the ground in excruciatingly slow motion, and thought the day couldn't possibly get any worse. _

_And not long after that would he appreciate just how premature that thought really was._

_Jack didn't stop as he shot his way to the fallen man. Bending down in a swooping motion and wrapping his arm around his friend's waist, Jack pulled him up from his knees, trying to get them the last few steps home. But Daniel cried out and curled further into himself, pulling Jack down with him just as the horizon blinked out—cutting them off from their best chance of making it through the good-for-nothing day alive. _

_**Son of a…**_

_The tell-tale snap and sting of a staff weapon being readied against his shoulder had Jack freezing in place._

_**Crap**__._

_Clenching his jaw and looking straight ahead as he fought to steady his heart and breath, Jack calmly asked the one question he first and __**mostly**__ needed to know. "You still with me, buddy?" _

_Folded in on blinding hot agony at Jack's knees, Daniel didn't fail to answer him. "I'm here," he panted through gritted teeth._

_Nodding to himself, Jack tried but failed to swallow his concern. With one supportive hand on his fallen friend's shoulder and one on his P90, he then slowly turned to their audience of…three. "Heellooo," he sing-songed tightly with a forced smile. He wanted nothing more than to tend to Daniel, to see how badly he was hurt, but he knew the most important thing now was __**getting**__ him to Frasier. And that meant not making any sudden moves…just yet. _

"_Interesting…weather we're having, isn't it?" he stalled, knowing Carter would be dialing back any second. Knowing the minuscule distraction would be his best chance at taking out the trio. Knowing he'd have time, Jaffa and a 'stabilizing wormhole' all working against him. _

~*~SG1~*~

Jerking, Jack shook his head and widened his eyes when they threatened to close on him again. _Damnit!_ He didn't want to sleep…he couldn't sleep. He had to hold Time at bay; for it would not readily wait for him, and it had Daniel in its clutches.

"Nononononono," the younger man whimpered suddenly, shaking his head. "Run, J'k! R-n, ruuun!"

"Ssshh," Jack bent down and eased brokenly into his friend's hair. It had been hours since Daniel had stopped sweating. Hours of knowing just what that had meant. "I'm safe, buddy. We both are," he soothed through welling tears. "You saved us…you saved us all."

~*~SG1~*~

_It happened so fast, Jack's mind was still reeling from it as he bent back over his friend. Daniel had taken out two Jaffa on his own and Jack gunned down the third before any of them—__**including**__ Jack knew what was happening. They were lucky sons of bitches._

"_Daniel?" he called fearfully, moving to turn the now huddled form onto his back. The ground shook again, just as it did when Daniel went for his gun, and the archaeologist gasped. _

"_Easy," Jack coaxed, wincing in sympathy and steeling himself for what he was about to find. He knew he should start dialing home. He knew he should at least move him to a more defensible position, but first he had to check to see how bad off Daniel really was before he started jostling him around._

"_Lemme see." Slowly easing away the arms Daniel had protectively wrapped around his torso, Jack furrowed his brow. There was nothing there. Not a mark on him. "Daniel?" For some reason this did nothing to ease his worry._

_Trembling, Daniel had his eyes squeezed shut tightly against the pain. "Hurts," he rasped._

_Urgent hands hovered uncertain above the younger man. "Where?" _

_But Jack didn't hear a reply because he was suddenly thrown forward by the earth just as an explosion sounded from the right of him. "Son of a bitch!" he hissed, immediately shielding Daniel with his own body and returning fire. __**What was there, some sort of Bad Guy convention?**_

_Now they were right back to square one. _

_Anxiously looking to the swaying forest, and then back towards the stumbling Jaffa stubbornly closing in on them, Jack did the only thing he could think of. He awkwardly threw Daniel over his shoulders, sending off a quick prayer that he wasn't damaging him further when he cried out, and ran for the trees as fast as he could on unsteady ground and unhappy knees._

_When you're forced to tread where __**Jaffa**__ dare not…you know you're having a bad day._

~*~SG1~*~

"Hurts."

Staring off into the dark, eyes brimming with unshed tears and helplessness, Jack could barely speak past the grief consuming his heart. "I know."

Time was pressing upon him like a bomb ready to explode, making it near impossible to breathe. And he knew that soon…soon he would have no other choice than to…

"Jack?"

The colonel stilled. There was something in his friend's voice. Something that he never thought he'd hear again.

"Daniel?" he replied hopefully, reflexively looking down and praying he wasn't wrong.

"T-tell Sha'uri I'm sorry. 'Mm sorry I-I couldn't save her," Daniel choked.

Heart and hopes plummeting, Jack let out a strangled breath and searched the darkness above them for mercy. He had thought that maybe, just _maybe_ Daniel's mind had returned to him.

He was wrong.

It wasn't too long ago that Jack had watched Daniel bury his wife. He had held him that night too.

Overwhelmed by a wave of hopelessness, Jack's face scrunched up with the emotions he had been trying so hard to keep at bay. Shaking his head and damning himself, he couldn't speak…so freeing thick tears; he slowly bent his head and shakingly kissed Daniel's temple instead.

He would never be able to forgive himself for killing his best friend.

~*~SG1~*~

_/ "You, y-you have to." Daniel was curled on his side, writhing and panting on the cavern's floor, trying desperately not to yield to the pain. "You h-have to cut it out, J'ck."_

_Jack shot straight up from his hunched-over position over Daniel. "What?! __**Me**__? What?!" he hollered incredulously. After studying the younger man for a moment, realizing he was serious, Jack started to shake his head emphatically. "Oooh nooonooonono!"He waved a finger through the air._

"_Jack," Daniel wheezed. "I think we're out of o-options."_

_God, why couldn't it have been a staff blast like Jack had thought? It had been nearly two days, nearly __**two**__ days since they had high-tailed it __**away**__ from the gate. _

_Nearly two days since the world collapsed on them, turning their sanctuary into a grave. And now a desperation spawned by their determination to survive would have them risking it all just to hold onto hope a little bit longer._

_And Jack really didn't think he could do it. Where the hell were Carter and Teal'c?_

"_Daniel, do you __**see,**__ "Doctor" anywhere on my uniform?"_

"_Well, I don't see, "Colonel" either, but…" the archaeologist weakly quipped, attempting to grin and failing miserably when he had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. It hurt. God, it hurt._

_Jack sombered and swallowed hard against the bile that had suddenly risen to the back of his throat. This couldn't be happening. But as he took in the worn and pain-filled eyes before him with what little light his flashlight had to offer, he knew it was. _

_Sitting down with the weight of the world—in the form of his best friend's life, resting on his shoulders, Jack accidentally knocked the flashlight with his foot and now it cast an ominous glow over the both of them. "I…we're not exactly equipped to be doing this, Daniel," he sighed gravely. "And I think it goes without saying that __**I**__ am the last person that should be performing __**anything **__that involves sharp objects and flesh," he added, slicing a hand in a negative fashion through the air for added effect. When he realized what the action looked like—with a self-conscious frown across his face he immediately dropped both arms to his sides. "Did I mention how much I __**hated**__, "Operation" when I was a kid? Seriously, the one and __**only**__ time I played it, I ended up turning the whole damn thing upside down until the part I wanted fell out," he griped. _

_But Daniel had no witty comeback for him. He just met his eyes. "I trust you," he said unflinching. But it had cost him. The conviction he used to speak with was more strength than his body had to spare and he was left breathless._

_Jack grimaced and had to look away, his face reflecting the battle raging within him. He couldn't do it. It was insanity. He would kill him, he just knew it._

_He was going to die anyway. _

_Shaking his head, with a heavy sigh, Jack rest his face in his hands and fought to compose himself. And he silently cursed Daniel. He cursed him for pushing and shoving his way into his heart. He cursed him for making him care so damn much about him. He even cursed him for lessening an ache in him that no one else could since his son had died. Jack cursed Daniel mostly though…for trusting him. _

_Daniel trusted Jack to help him to continue to hold on the only way left he knew how—even if it meant Jack having to let go of his fear of losing him._

_**Damn him.**_

_Feeling a warm hand on his arm, Jack turned to the soulful blue eyes that had, on many occasions, been his conscience. That had, on many occasions, given him the strength to do what was right. _

_And as they bored into him now—dulled by days of stifled agony, but as vibrant as ever with the truth they held, Jack knew he had no other choice. _

_After gathering everything he could think from the inadequate supplies of their packs, he was ready…or, as ready as he'd ever be. He knew he couldn't hesitate any longer because the last of the morphine he gave Daniel had nearly worn off already._

_Kneeling over his best friend, Jack's hand shook. He knew the knife would be sharp enough, but would it be sterile enough? And ultimately…would it even end up mattering? Daniel had his eyes squeezed shut again, sweating as he panted through the pain. "You with me?" Jack asked softly. He needed him to open his eyes. He needed to __**see**__ that he was still with him._

_Peering up at the man that had seen him through so much, done so much and __**been**__ so much to him, Daniel let his eyes say what words could not, then whispered roughly, "I'm here."_

_Jack nodded back, tears and truth filling his own eyes. …but it wasn't good-bye, damnit. This wasn't them saying good-bye._

_**God…**_

_Daniel had been doing nothing but puking, or __**trying**__ to puke his guts up since they had gotten into this mess. Now it felt like it was Jack's turn. _

_Taking a deep breath, trying to force his heart down to a low roar, Jack finally turned his attention back to the knife in his hands. His palms were sweaty, despite the chill in the air—and the blade felt so awkward, so small, so insignificant compared to what he was about to do. _

_**Jesus…**_

_What he was about to do…._

_Puffing out a breath of courage, Jack swallowed hard again and slowly started to inch the knife towards his archaeologist's recently sanitized abdomen—when he suddenly stopped and looked up, uncertain and obviously stalling. "Daniel, is there anything else in this body of yours that you don't need, that could spontaneously decide to erupt on us while trapped in a godforsaken cave off-world? 'cause if there is, I'm having Frasier take every last one of them out when we get back."_

_Trembling, Daniel turned tear-filled eyes on Jack, and though his face was drawn tight against that which continued to inflict him, he managed a feeble smile. "Sou-nds like a pl-an," he replied breathlessly._

_Jack winced. Daniel could barely talk through the pain anymore. And he was only going to be adding more. "Right," he whispered absently, trying to convince himself. __**When**__ they got back. "Okay then…" he added, clearing his throat nervously as he carefully brought the blade back into position. The knife and Jack wavered, but with one final encouraging look from the only person he would __**ever**__ do this for, Jack clenched his jaw… and cut._

_Thick, warm blood spilled over his hands as he plunged the knife into his friend's body. Once trustful eyes exploded with shock and pain as Daniel gasped and struggled under Jack's hold. But Jack was determined now to finish what he had started. It was the only way. It was for the better. It was the only way to put an end to his best friend's pain. He understood this now. He only wished he had had the courage to do it sooner._

"_Easy, buddy,' he cajoled, firmly holding the knife in place as Daniel's struggles weakened. "Don't fight it. It'll be over soon."_

_Daniel choked and fought for breath, shaking and desperately holding onto Jack—even as he tried to push him away. And as the world slowed around them, careful not to miss his last breath, huge blue orbs locked on the older man's and silently begged him._

_**Don't stop. No matter what. Don't stop.**_

_And they continued to beg him until at last a tear slowly broke free, carrying a pain too great to put into words, and Daniel whispered the only thing he could think of before nothingness claimed him. "Why...why can't we spe-nd a normal d-ay toge-ther?" /_

~*~SG1~*~

Startled awake, Jack panted heavily into the dark. It didn't happen. Didn't happen…

But he wished that it had.

And had been wishing so since he made the decision that had cost him Daniel's life.

Grabbing his flashlight, Jack shakily pushed the button and shone it on the man in his arms. Though Jack had apparently fallen asleep with his eyes _open_, he nonetheless had fallen asleep…deserted his watch. And now he desperately needed to _see_ Daniel. He needed to make sure…despite the fact that he could still feel the heat radiating off of him, that he was still holding on. He needed to _see_ Daniel's chest rise and fall with each weak breath. Jack needed to _see_ that he wasn't claimed while he slept.

Heaving a sigh of relief at the sight that greeted him, Jack rest his chin on the tousled brown hair, but his relief was short-lived when Daniel pulled away…

From the beginning Jack had always known his friend was a fighter. He had learned it on their first mission to Abydos. And he was reminded of it every day as he witnessed Daniel pushing through all the crap that was repetitively thrown his way—because no matter what, Daniel would always find a way to survive, to hold on, to push through. But now, thanks to Jack, he wouldn't be able to. He wouldn't be able to because Jack had effectively denied him the chance to try.

Daniel had begged him to cut it out—to remove for him what was poisoning his body and causing him so much pain, but Jack couldn't do it. Not only would he have no idea _how—_ he feared his attempt would only worsen his condition and Jack was too afraid to take the risk. He was too afraid he'd…

And besides, at the time he was still holding fast to his belief that help would come in time.

Now though…

Now it was too late—for Daniel to fight…and for Jack to help him. Or to even try to. Nothing Jack could do now would save Daniel. And he would never be able to forgive himself for not taking action sooner. For not believing in Daniel when he believed in _him_.

His fear, his selfish need to keep Daniel in his life had ultimately robbed him of him anyway. Because now…now as his younger friend pulled away and looked up at him with a sigh of relief—telling him that it didn't hurt so much anymore, Jack knew there was no escaping it.

He was going to have to say goodbye.

Time stilled as they both closed their eyes.

And as a wave of finality rushed through Jack, he begged for strength this time. For he knew no miracle would come now. The silence was closing in.

He prayed to be strong for Daniel. His prayed his arms not to fail him and he prayed his voice not to betray him, because they were all he had—the only means of comfort he had to offer his friend in his final moments.

When Daniel exhaled, his head lulling against Jack, Jack didn't even open his eyes—he just squeezed them shut tighter and shook his own head in denial. "Not yet," he objected, pulling him closer. Jack had known it was coming, known it was only a matter of time. But, still he wasn't ready. He'd never be ready.

Choking, he pressed his forehead against Daniel's and squeezed him tight. "God, Daniel, don't do this to me," he pleaded, rocking the limp body in his arms. When Daniel didn't go rigid, crying out in his arms from the pain the motion inflicted… that's when it happened. That's when Jack's world shifted. That's when the strings precariously holding hope and sanity broke. That's when a pain tore through him, leaving him breathless and sobbing as he desperately clung to Daniel with the fractured pieces of his soul.

He wasn't sure how long he had sat like that—holding the very last of his sanity in his arms, but when he did finally open his eyes, he didn't even care when the familiar white band encompassed them.

~*~SG1~*~

Jack felt like he was floating…with an anvil on his head. That, accompanied with the familiar unpleasant taste in his mouth led him to believe that he had been drugged.

Shifting tentatively, he groaned when his entire body protested. He ached everywhere and though the surface on which he laid was not as hard as a floor, it still left more to be desired.

Sensing movement at his side, Jack was about to start griping when he was suddenly assaulted with a series of blinding, paralyzing flashes and emotions. And then he remembered. God, he remembered it all. The person at his side would _not_ be who it should be.

Would _not_ be who he _needed_ it to be.

"Daniel" he choked, covering his still closed eyes with an unsteady hand. They weren't in time. The rescue party was too late and Jack's best friend had died in his arms.

He could still feel him in his arms.

"Sir…"

"O'Neill…"

The grave concern in their voices did nothing to ease the colonel's pain. "Daniel," he choked again. It was all he could think about. It was all he could say. For days he had clung to hope. And when there was none left to find…he had held on even tighter.

And now his arms were empty, but forever pressed into them would be the memory of Daniel's final days.

"Sir…Daniel…"

Jack's hearing was swimming in and out and he couldn't concentrate on anything but his monumental loss.

"DanielJackson…dead…"

God, he knew. Jack knew he was dead. He was there. And the hole in his heart reminded him with every beat.

"O'Neill." Jack's eyes opened for the first time, when a strong hand grasped his shoulder with crushing desperation. Blinking hard—unaccustomed to so much light, Jack wordlessly, blearily met the larger man's eyes…and was surprised to see concern…with an absence of grief. And that's when the world shifted again and with it, brought hope.

Still, Jack could only stare at the lips that had uttered such words, so Teal'c said them again… and with numb hands, Jack hid his face and took in a deep, shaky breath as he fought down the urge to sob in relief…and then he sobbed anyway.

"DanielJackson is _not_ dead, O'Neill. He still lives."

~*~SG1~*~

They wouldn't let him see him at first. Apparently Janet still had herself and Daniel sealed up in the cargo bay as she finished performing her miracle with the meager supplies she had brought.

Though Sam had reassured Jack that the surgery had went well, he saw the shadows in her eyes.

"I had to assist," she supplied softly, answering his silent observation unnecessarily—because Jack already knew where the shadows had come from. He recognized them well and looked out through his own. They were the memory of watching someone you love hurt.

Jack had wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell Sam, Janet…_someone_ what he had almost done. How desperate he had nearly become. It was on his lips. 'I nearly cut Daniel open, in—believe it or not, an attempt to save him.' But his confession could wait. Seeing Daniel alive and breathing couldn't.

But it wasn't until after Janet had come out a few moments later, removed the I.V.—he didn't even realize he had in and did some annoying vital checks, did she finally call Teal'c off.

If it weren't for the fact that Jack had actually needed assistance just sitting up—so stiff from holding the same position for days, he would have been up and pounding on the cargo bay door the second he had learned Daniel was in there and alive.

But now though…now as he finally sat beside his friend, breathing in the sight of him, relishing in the fact that pain did not crease his brow, that tremors did not wrack his body—Jack found himself afraid to touch him. Afraid to break the illusion. Afraid he'd wake up in that cave, arms full…but utterly alone…

~*~SG1~*~

"How is he?"

Sam sat down heavily into the co-pilot's seat of the Tel'tac. "He's calmed down now that he's with Daniel," she answered sadly, glancing behind her at the object of their conversation.

"Good," Jacob acknowledged softly, turning away from the controls and following his daughter's gaze. When he looked back at her, his eyes softened at her dejected posture. "You couldn't have known, Sammy."

Carter deflated. "We brought Janet and half the infirmary, didn't we?" she retorted testily. Daniel had already been in need of medical attention when they last saw them and she didn't want to risk adding more days to the wait if he still needed it. Janet, of course, was all for it…but never did Sam think to…

Jacob frowned. "The healing device isn't something to take advantage of, you know that, Sam. What are you going to do, start taking it on every mission?" Although, with SG-1's track record, the Tok'ra mused, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

But Sam wasn't hearing him. Lost in thought, she worried her bottom lip. "Maybe if we hadn't waited so long to contact you, Daniel wouldn't have been so close to…"

The older man sighed sadly. It never got easier watching your children beat themselves up. No matter how old they got. "Yeah, and maybe if I weren't so far away to begin with. And maybe if we hadn't burned out the hyper-drive trying to get here…" Jacob leaned forward and gently tilted his daughter's chin up until she was looking him in the eyes. "You're not a "what if" girl, Sammy. You know the facts."

Carter closed her eyes with a resigned sigh. Then turning to the blue hues of the hyper-speed window, she hoped it would offer her an excuse to feel as inadequate as she did…but it didn't and she conceded dolefully. "We did everything we could." And it was barely enough.

~*~SG1~*~

Teal'c stood in the threshold, arms clasped behind his back as he watched over his charges.

For hours after they had stumbled backwards on the ramp—images of the enemy charging their friends imprinted into their minds and hearts, the Stargate wouldn't even lock. And then they had discovered that it had been buried. But unlike the situation on Edora…it wasn't even possible for _Teal'c_ to gate in and dig his way out. The ground was too unstable and there were fear of aftershocks—which greatened his risks of being buried alive.

Teal'c didn't care.

Hammond did.

When they finally made it to the planet they had unwillingly left their friends on, all hope was momentarily lost. The destruction… they couldn't even tell where the Stargate had used to be—where Jack and Daniel were last standing. It was as if the entire mountain had come down…and their friends were nowhere in sight.

Never would Teal'c forget the way Janet had to cover her mouth to hold back her shock and grief. Never would Teal'c forget the way Carter's legs unsteadily lowered her into her seat, or the grim expression set on Jacob's face.

Never would he forget the tidal wave of relief that had washed over them all when two heat signatures suddenly popped onto their screens. For they knew who it was. They knew who it _had_ to be.

~*~SG1~*~

Janet knew it was pointless. Right now the colonel wasn't caring about what _exactly_, medically-wise, had happened to Daniel. All that mattered to him now was that the youngest member of his team was going to be okay. Granted, he wasn't out of the woods yet. He would possibly need blood—practically the _only_ thing she didn't think to bring, and follow-up surgery to get whatever she might have missed with her make-shift surgical unit when they got back. But Janet was hopeful. Daniel's fever was coming down and he was responding to the antibiotics well.

Now, if she could just pry one ripe, graying colonel away from him so he could get his own much needed rest.

Janet watched mesmerized as Jack's eyes never once wavered from Daniel. The man was beside himself, fighting his own exhaustion…but it was that which lingered in his mind—Janet suspected, that kept him at his friend's side. She didn't know what exactly had happened while they were trapped in that cave, but she could tell by the older man's body language alone that it was something neither would soon forget. And for whatever reason, it was those _same_ memories that had him repeatedly reaching out to Daniel—only to instead lower his hand back to the cot with fear in his eyes.

Janet looked on sadly, knowing that she carried no medicine that could help the colonel vanquish the demons their latest battle had left within.

At that, she decided to give him just a few more minutes before ordering him to lie down. Maybe the unexpected light that had wiggled his way into the colonel's heart was all Jack needed to mend. That and time.

Walking up to Teal'c, who had been hovering over the two men practically since they had found them, Janet placed a comforting hand on his arm. "They're both going to be just fine, Teal'c."

The Jaffa bowed his head slightly in both acknowledgement and appreciation. For a while there he hadn't been so sure. When they had locked onto their heat signatures and ringed up his friends—who happened to be sitting _within_ the transporter rings as if waiting…

Teal'c had never seen his warrior-brother so…stricken. Nor his heart-brother so… lifeless. And as a stunned pause settled over them all at the scene, no one even noticed the few inches of water pooling at their feet.

After seeing them, Jack had immediately curled into himself and a limp Daniel. Rocking, _"You're too late,"_ he had cried, refusing to let go so they could help—insisting that he was already gone, to just let them be; despite the fact that Daniel still breathed…though barely.

Knowing time was rapidly working against them, Frasier was forced to sedate their unusually emotional C.O. to get him to surrender his hold on Daniel. …and even then, they had to pry Jack's fingers off of him.

Later when Jack had finally awoken, it was with their archaeologist's broken name on his lips. The last he had remembered was holding Daniel in his arms…dead.

"We're lucky those rings actually worked," Janet mused aloud. "Sam didn't seem so confident, but I…I just don't know what we would have done if…" She shook her head, her eyes flooding from the scenario her mind conjured up.

They would have come so far…just to watch the blips on the monitor slowly fade away.

"They are fortunate," Teal'c rumbled softly from beside her.

Following the Jaffa's gaze, she solemnly whispered back, "We all are."

~*~SG1~*~

_beep…beep…beep…_

Reaching out, Jack's hand once again stopped just short of Daniel's. Grimacing, he cursed his cowardness and looked away. Rationally, he knew this, _now_, was real. His _mind_ knew it. His _senses_ couldn't deny it—they _heard_ truth with every _beep _from the portable heart monitor. They _saw_ truth with every rise and fall of Daniel's chest.

But for the clichéd, hard ass military man he was supposed to be…it was his _heart_ that had trouble catching up—that had trouble believing. Because it was his heart that had clung tighter to hope, to Daniel, with every beat for _so_ long…. And it was his heart that had broken in half— _fighting_ every beat when he thought his best friend had finally succumbed to the poisoning in his body.

So raw, everything that lay before it now still wasn't enough. It needed to know…to _hear_ the only two words that could ease its pain—two words that would let Jack know that it was alright…that this was real, that they were still holding on.

"Hey…"

Startled by the raspy voice, Jack looked up into a pair of glazed blue eyes.

"Daniel," he breathed leaning forward. "Hey," he finally managed to greet past the lump in his throat. "How you feeling?"

Another weak smile was all he was rewarded with before Daniel's eyes began to droop. Jack panicked and reached for the younger man's hand—finally taking the now much cooler fingers in his own. He needed to know. "Daniel?"

Eyes fluttering open briefly, with a small grin Daniel reassured him with two thickly spoken words before he was pulled back into a healing slumber. "I'm here."

And for the first time since the world had brought them to their knees, it truly stilled. And Jack smiled. It was a tearful, dopey smile he hoped that no one else had witnessed, but a smile nonetheless.

And he nodded to himself.

They were still holding on. Still fighting. And Daniel would push on, just like always.

Leaning back against the wall, Jack let out a long held breath—comforted in the knowledge that death would be held at bay, kept within the borders of silence by the sound of his best friend's heartbeat.

There would be no goodbyes today.

Jack closed his eyes.


End file.
